In today’s era of globalization, love transcends international borders more than ever. Modern technologies, a widespread command of foreign languages, and ease of travel mean falling in love and following someone from another culture has become easier. A marriage of Asian and non-Asian partners becomes literally a union of East and West, needing to connect and work together if the marriage is to succeed, especially in times of high divorce rates. To find out what it takes, I talked to five intercultural couples from different parts the world. Some married recently, some many years ago, but they have many things in common.
ow different are we?
Relationships, let alone marriage, are not an easy enterprise! For intercultural marriages, characterised by different cultural norms and values, there is added complexity. Cultural differences and assumptions, from small decisions, such as what holidays to celebrate, to bigger ones, such as which religion should future children be brought up in, become more profound over time, and can be a real deal breaker for many couples. The bridge between cultures with competing norms and values can be too wide for some partners to cross.
When I ask couples about similarities and differences between their backgrounds, they mostly focus on cultural values, styles of communication, and gender roles. In the case of newlyweds Sarah and Masa, they find that while both German and Japanese cultures are known for their ‘efficiency’, they are based on different values. Japanese, like other Asian cultures, tends to be more about collective decisions, in contrast to more individual-focused German culture. Ji, born in South Korea and married to an American, Kevin, also believes her culture is deeply embedded in traditional views, such as male dominance, high regard for family (be it close or extended family members), and respect for elders. Yet, being a daughter of diplomats, she was exposed to diverse cultures from early childhood, and has always felt closer to the American culture, which helped her to better understand and connect with Kevin. Similar values also bring Yanek, born in India, closer to his American wife Emily. Both were brought up in Christian families, and they share similar ideals and views – apart from Yanek’s fondness of domestic help (popular in India, but rarity in typical American households).
[quote align=”center” color=”#b64736″]Gender roles and communication also differ between Eastern and Western cultures.[/quote]“In Korean culture, men rarely show emotions; both physically and emotionally. Very rarely do they engage with their wives or children in a loving way. Being married to an American, Kevin is a wonderful husband and father who put his family first,” Ji tells me. Kyrgyzstan-born Elina and her Norwegian husband Ivar faced different expectations of who does what around the house. In Kyrgyzstan, women are traditionally expected to be caretakers and focus less on their careers, while men serve as the main breadwinners. “If we followed Kyrgyz cultural traditions, Elina could not have been able to pursue her PhD abroad while I stayed back in Kyrgyzstan to continue my work,” says Ivar, who is used to an equal rights approach back in Norway.
to be continued…
By Svetlana Ancker
Couples profiles
- Elina and Ivar
She: Kyrgyz; He: Norwegian; Met: 2006 through a mutual friend in Kyrgyzstan, married for 4.3 years; Location: They currently reside in Kazakhstan
- Sarah and Masa
She: American/German; He: Japanese; Met: in 2004 at college in Boston, married over a year; Current location: Japan
- Ji and Kevin
She: Korean; He: American; Met: in 1983 at the American University in Cairo, married for 28 years; Current location: US
- Emily and Yanek
She: American; He: Indian; Met: William and Mary College, married for 12 years; Current location: US
- Renate and Darsi
She: German; He: Indian; Met: in 1969 at the Makarere University in Uganda, been married for 35 years; Current location: Kenya
